Damn!
Alright. Old News. “Signs” sucked MAJOR ass! I’m talking amazing amounts of rectal suction. Wow! I had nothing to do with the movie and MY ass hurts after watching it.
But evidently there are a number of mortals out there who disagree with my unbiased, fair, and balanced (Fuck you, Fox!) review of “Signs”. Please read the following review. My commentary is in italics.
Without a doubt the greatest movie to come out since Saving Private Ryan (at the time of writing this review). and at the time of this review there was (and probably still is) only a year between the two flicks. With one of the best themes EVER, one of the best directors EVER, and one of the best actors EVER, this movie is a winner. Yep. Winner of the Time Vacuum Award - which has since been handed out to “Water”. It has a combination of suspense that will kill you Yeah. How long can I last without killing myself, comedic relief at pointsHah hah hah! I can’t believe I watched the whole thing, and a incredible storyAliens land, do weird stuff, an asthmatic has an attack, Mel Gibson saves the day. Color me impressed *sic., I physically can not understand anyone who says this is a bad movie “What? You didn’t like this movie? Damn! Gotta go to the potty!. This may not be your favorite of all time Yeah. No it’s not, but it is on my top ten Then your taste is in your mouth, boy-o. You should go out and rent this right away and watch it with a few people Misery loves company!. Movies are always better with some friends, and this movie is no exception Yeah, ’cause then you have something else to do instead of watch this piece of crap.
There. I’ve said it. I feel better.
Oh, and if you want to read this and other insipid reviews (alas, without my witty comebacks) feel free to peruse The College Critic. Of course. I wouldn’t if I were you.
1 Comment so far
Wow, honestly how are you so funny? Did you take lessons from Carrot Top or something? Seriously you should write a book about your ingenious humor and whether or not you are just born with it or actually have to work to attain your level of genius. Please send me a signed copy of it.
Did you catch that pun? Probably not…I gave you too much credit. Perhaps I should write my comments in colors and shapes to assist your translucent reception of them.
Also, you might want to realize that I had the foresight (that you lack) to write the “Without a doubt the greatest movie to come out since Saving Private Ryan (at the time of writing this review).” line. Not only did you say that there was probably only a year between the two movies (try 4 or 5 years smart guy), but you also were unable to grasp the dynamic concept of static web pages subject to the wrath of time. Such subjection requires foresight to realize that someone reading my review years after writing it might think I’m still saying that Signs is the best movie since Saving Private Ryan, which is false…had you done the research. Obviously you didn’t, and were probably distracted from that small detail when you had to feed your pet snake.